“a slight sickness of regret washes over me/ and in the end that’s all I get”

Just once, I’d like to end a year without having to suppress the urge to flip it the bird.

Once again, this wasn’t our year. It was not as bad as the shit storm that was 2011, but it managed to wreak its own havoc. Of course, some of that I brought on myself. The situation with the cats is the same. Sachen remains determined to give himself a stroke rather than just ignore his little brother. Live and let live is not a mantra to which he subscribes. For the holiday (which, let’s be frank, may be Sachen’s last one), we orchestrated a holiday photo that involved a lot of haste and trickery. This was entirely my idea, and I’m grateful to Andy (and the cats) for their patience.

photo

This photo and, more importantly, my desire for it, are a good representation of the level of my delusion about my life. It’s totally fake. We are not one big happy family. Notice that the cats aren’t even looking at each other. We are pretty sure Sachen didn’t even know Sebastian was over there because we tricked him by having Andy hold him on one side of the tree while I ran upstairs, grabbed Sebastian from his room, ran downstairs to the tree, stood there quickly holding him, and then ran back upstairs to put Sebastian in his room as soon as the photo had been snapped.

Spending winter break with both my cats simultaneously was my dream, and this photo is as close as I will get. I shall treasure it.

So, suck it, 2012. I refuse to accept your reality.