qbette.jpgBy the way, this thing with Bette and me is not a lesbian thing. It’s an art thing. I had a revelation today while I was staring at her and realizing that even though practically no one looks good in blue eyeshadow, there she was, wearing blue eyeshadow and looking fantastic. She’s just wonderful to view, like a painting or something. (See, she has taught me something about art as well.) It’s not just physical, although I will admit that it mostly is physical. But that doesn’t matter because it’s not a lesbian thing; it’s an art thing.

A couple years ago, there was a woman working at Marshall Field’s with me named Natalie. She was striking. I was not attracted to her, but I did enjoy looking at her. One day, in a moment of regretable candor, I remarked that I wished that Natalie could be unconscious in my presence so that I could look at her as long and hard as I wanted without her knowing. It’s like that with Bette, but stronger and better because Bette is way hotter and because she’s on TV so there’s none of that face-to-face awkwardness.

Okay, it may sound like a lesbian thing. But it’s really not about sex with Bette and me. See, I am still a heterosexual. I am not a prude, though, and I know when women are attractive. This woman, I promise, is beyond attractive. Why shouldn’t I appreciate that?