Change your hair, change your life (or at least realize you’ve maybe always been weird)

Tonight I saw someone for whom I used to harbor a small crush. Okay, it was bigger than small. I doubt she knows who she is (it’s not Mary Ann, people!), but because there is even the smallest chance, I will not use her name. There’s no reason for both of us to be uncomfortable. This person is smart in precisely the way that I want to be smart. She’s very academic, but she’s still capable of regular conversation. And she’s gracious. And when she talks to me, it feels like Christmas. So I guess “used to harbor” might be sort of inaccurate.

But this post isn’t about her or the crush. It’s about me. Blogging is, at its core, about the blogger, isn’t it? I wondered, as I was talking to this person tonight, if I would always be a socially awkward quasi-writer who thinks academics are totally hot. I think it would all right if this were it, but I need to know for sure. That way I can relax into my role and stop worrying about it.

Somehow, I think this new, messy haircut is helping. It’s like I gave myself permission to be weird. When we decided to move to West Central, Andy said, “Now we can be as weird as we want.” I pretty much thought I was as weird as I wanted to be already, but now I think I was unwittingly holding myself back. Now I’m all “hey, why can’t I have a faux-hawk?” And I have this great idea to write a book about straight people watching The L Word once I’m finished with my novel. I sort of feel like a heterosexual reaction to the show is irrelevant, but I am dying to point out what it has given me. I honestly don’t think I would have said to myself, “Self, just compile testimonials of straight people who watch The L Word and write a book. You know you want to,” if we still lived in our “little box.” See, now I’m thinking about how awesome Weeds is and thinking about writing a book about why premium cable shows are so much better than network shows. It can’t just be because they can say “fuck.” Although hearing Jennifer Beals say “fuck” is totally worth paying for Showtime…

Hmm. Did I have a point?

Oh, yeah. I’m weird. Right.