Dear people who make movies,

Please do not list Jennifer Beals at the top of the opening credits if she is not really going to be in your stupid movie.

I am talking to you, Alexandre Rockwell, regarding your weird 13 Moons film in which I spent 93 minutes with my brow furrowed in confusion only to be rewarded with two brief glimpses of Jennifer. You, Alexandre Rockwell, with your silly “re” where there should be an “er,” you got to be married to Jennifer for ten years. The screen is all I have. Don’t mock me.

SIDE NOTE: The good news about 13 Moons is that Rose Rollins is in the movie—really in it, not fake in it like Jennifer Beals.

Furthermore, I have been watching Roger Dodger for 34 minutes with no sign of Jennifer Beals, except of course in the opening credits, when I saw her name listed very first, before even the movie’s star.

What is with this? Am I really this much fun to play with?

Some of the problem is obviously mine. I mean, no one forced me to rent a movie called Roger Dodger and I should have known better. I wonder if there is some support group for my I’ll-sit-through-anything-if-you-dangle- Jennifer-Beals-in-front-of-me affliction.