Dear Sheryl Crow,

I want to make sure you know that I still love you. I know I’ve been talking a lot about Jennifer Beals lately, but I remain enormously fond of you. I saw you on Oprah today and you referred to yourself in air quotes as a “rock star.” It was so adorable and hot at the same time—which, I have not forgotten, is the crux of your charm. Jennifer Beals is hot, too. So hot. The way she holds her mouth when she’s pissed, the way the sleeves of her blouses reach just beyond her wrists, the way she puts her hand on the side of Tina’s face… But I digress. There is room in my Sea of Unnatural Adoration for both of you. There’s even a little side pool for Diane Lane and Kim Delaney. Jennifer Beals is new so she’s getting a lot of attention now, but it won’t always be this way. I was thinking today about how I felt when I heard that you had breast cancer. I don’t want to lose you, Sheryl. It was good to see you again. Thanks for being on Oprah.

Love,

Katie