“I don’t wanna go to sleep/ I wanna stay up all night”

Of course, I didn’t think drinking in my thirties would look like this. I thought I’d develop a taste for red wine. I imagined countless evenings spent laughing over glasses of wine and dishes of pasta with shrimp. I figured I’d somehow outgrow my tendency to impulse-buy weirdly flavored gimmicky alcoholic beverages, drink just part of it, and then turn back to my trusty whiskey and Coke. But red wine still tastes like bile and vinegar and I’m still afraid to cook shrimp.

So it was the same old me who wandered into the Cap ‘n Cork on Saturday evening. In the chiller, I found this bottle for $3.50.

photo 1

I’m no economist, but $3.50 for 750 ml of 18 percent alcohol seemed like the definition of a good deal. Plus, it has ginseng. Bonus: it’s healthy!

I’m still not sure what Wild Irish Rose is. I think the alcohol percentage is too high for it to be wine. It doesn’t taste particularly good, but it doesn’t taste as bad as red wine. The trick is to keep it chilled. Yes, I know all of Wild Irish Rose’s tricks.

Sometimes, I personify my drinks. You’ll recall my “gin knows how to drive a stick” schtick? Well, Wild Irish Rose turned out to be a good sidekick, a new friend whose allure I can’t explain. She’s cheap and trashy but fun and decidedly gimmick-free. She was just exactly what I needed last Saturday night and might need again this Saturday night.

Oh my gosh—she’s Ke$ha.

photo 2

I drank the whole bottle.