“If your heart is cold, my sheets are warm.”

Over the weekend, I watched a bad, cheesy lesbian movie called April’s Shower (but Honey Labrador looked so good in it that it was almost worth all the badness and the cheese) and now Loving Annabelle is on LOGO. This has me thinking about what makes a good lesbian movie and what makes a bad one.

Of course, good and bad are subjective terms based on my opinion. Not everyone thinks High Art is a good movie.

I have recently realized that I prefer these so-called lesbian movies over whatever we’re calling the alternative. Straight movies? Regular movies? Mainstream movies? Whatever they are, they’re boring. Well, not all of them. I think The American President is still my favorite movie.

I think my point is that if I am going to watch a cheesy romantic comedy, I want it to be about lesbians. If Puccini for Beginners were about a straight woman struggling to work out her relationship issues, I doubt I would have made it to the end. Same goes for Grey Matters, although I still wish I had just given up in the middle. The problem is that Bridget Moynahan is very cute and Rachel Shelley was in it.

I know I haven’t answered my question. The answer is long and complicated and involves a lot of luck. Clearly, an attractive woman cannot save a movie—although if Honey Labrador had been the star of April’s Shower, I may not have noticed that it was bad.

I have seen more bad lesbian movies than good ones, but here are some of the ones I liked: The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, High Art, Loving Annabelle, All Over Me, D.E.B.S., Tipping the Velvet, Saving Face, Imagine Me & You, If These Walks Could Talk 2. I guess it’s just been awhile since I saw a lesbian movie that I really, really liked and wanted to watch again.

One more thing I feel compelled to mention: I have seen Desert Hearts and I didn’t hate it. I just didn’t fall in love with it. It was important to me to see it and I’m glad I did. Sometimes I feel like I’m conducting some kind of lesbian film studies course in my living room. Why else would I watch Go Fish on purpose?